The road that was almost too long to travel, took me here before I gave up altogether. Thankfully.
Not an easy goodbye to wave, to the journey that’s now behind me. Neither do I feel nearly as ready, to face all that’s ahead. Why did no one ever tell me, that a pursuit never ends? It only changes.
In all that wishing for the impossible, I cajoled myself into thinking how far I was, only to miss how close I could’ve been. A very fine line, between dreaming, and living a dream, one that I hesitated long enough to draw.
Stubbornness took me so far as to hold on to my far-fetched, seemingly unrealistic, and slightly absurd ambitions. Then I wandered, doubted, waited, and waited.
Little did I know, I was ready and able.
End of December. The holiday season. A time of reflection and resolutions. I met a special someone. Whom I’ve been spending a lot of time in harmony with:
Yes, I’ve once again wandered into the wide world of music theory. Catching up on the basics I failed to fully grasp the first time, and scratching my head over everything else that doesn’t make much sense just yet.
At least, I’ve been able to keep the momentum high, and distracting thoughts away. There’s a long way to go; might as well get ready now.
After living out of a suitcase for about a month or so, I’ve moved on to living out of a couple of suitcases. Who would’ve thought finding shelter would be such hassle?
BUT. Despite being ‘homeless,’ and all other things that are less than satisfactory, or perhaps by that I meant falling short of perfection, I owe a debt of gratitude to all that I have and have been given.
The longest wait has ended. The anxiously repetitive days ended. Worries eased. Changes happened.
Where I would rather be, if not here and now?
No longer is life a dream too far. All the other problems are only minor.
I haven’t known you for long. Just about long enough to be charmed.
I followed my heart, and your footsteps. Fearless, hopeful.
Isn’t it a blessing in itself, that fate brought me to you, time and again?
For the journey you’ve taken me on, there is nothing more to ask.
Longest hiatus ever. Surprising as it may be, I actually managed to get a life outside the confines of the interwebs.
But worry not, I’ve finally found myself some time at hand, and a little peace in mind.
Summer was short but felt incredibly long. I had a lot on my mind, and equally much on my hands. Only there was never enough time, to clear the to-do list, or my head.
At least, between being hard at work and being consumed by random thoughts, I found new friendships, rekindled old ones, and enjoyed being a nomad.
It all came a little too late. Late enough for me to have learned a few of life’s best lessons. I still held on to that ‘dream,’ although knowing full well it isn’t about getting there anymore.
No lost time can ever be made up for, but there is now and the next moment to live.
So the simple and frugal life continues. Time is mostly spent on listening to jazzy love songs. And learning to play a few.
Every so often I listen to friends tell their stories in love. The search, the thrill, the hopeful thoughts, and the inevitable letdowns.
The perfect ending, too perfectly imagined at the very beginning.
If only we could be at absolute ease with life’s unknowns. More often than not, it’s the thoughts and emotions that get the better of us.
Lucky enough to be spared most of the day-to-day stressors, my life now is truly a luxury in disguise. One that I sometimes dread but try to relish. And one that will end before I know it.
Like everything else. It ends to start anew, and begins with another end awaiting.
The new year has been passing by quickly, and nothing has changed much. Not yet anyway. Except I’m a year older, and hopefully a drop wiser.
My days still revolve around the same routine. I practice, study, hang out in the neighborhood, go for runs, or a swim. Not that there’s anything I can complain, but even the perfectly simple life could do with some changes once in a while.
So off I go, to a place 7 hours away.
Where everything is much bigger and grander, and where all Chinese tourists stay at one hotel. (Hint: the most expensive one.)
A picture in front of the Burj Al Arab is thus obligatory.
Away from the crazy architecture, a Land Rover-ride in the desert plus some very strong shisha for the cold night was also quite an experience.
But a holiday isn’t complete without some sun, sea and sand. So another flight later, I find myself on the sunny islands of the Seychelles. Here I nap with the giant tortoises.Talk to some Seselwa guys. Eat fish every single day. Hike a short distance to the top of Morne Blanc. Bike around La Digue. And snorkel, newbie style.
Of course, I can’t possibly miss the amazing beaches!A good tan and more seafood meals later, my mind is clear as it could be, and my wallet emptied, inside out. My already frugal life, is about to get much worse.
I couldn’t have anticipated any of this. Wouldn’t have wanted to either. That plan to live the ‘perfect life,’ was thrown out the window ages ago.
The seemingly imperfect, flawed, sometimes exciting, but mostly mundane life, is all there is. It’s where mistakes are made, surprises are embraced, lessons learned, and where better days always lie ahead.
Why fight it, when I can surrender?
The quest ends. All answers disclosed.
A year; a long time. Long enough to realize the true meaning of failure, to be better and different. To forget and forgive, and embrace life’s many wonders.
The real world is a good place to be. After days and weeks and years spent floating in mid-air, walking on the feet is exhilarating; each step forward is firmer yet lighter.
The struggle to make up for lost chances eased, with the realization that sometimes, contentment is enough.
Enough to accept what is, with open arms.
Miserable thoughts make the days darker, and happy ones bring a spark of hope. No thoughts at all, there is peace.